Why do I care what strangers think? How is it that I can love my kids so passionately, yet get so ANGRY at them???? I took Avery to ballet today, while Allie played with her cousin, Roderick. Afterwards, we rested and played with our cousins for a little bit and then headed to the grocery store. Disaster!!!!! I can't remember a worse trip to the store with those two kids. Now that I look back at it, I can't put my finger on everything that got me riled at them - probably because the incidents were too numerous to count. It was one of those trips when you know all the grown-ups watching feel sorry for you - that does nothing for my pride. I'm trying all my tactics - "do you think God would be happy with your behavior right now?" and, "before you do something, think about if you're allowed to do it or not". The latter phrase was uttered just before Allie went RUNNING far away from the register where I had half of my items already on the conveyor belt and the lady behind me was so interested to see how I was going to handle it. So, I (after I had chased Allie down) gathered both the girls and hugged them, needing to remind myself how much I love them.
What is it about being a mother that makes me think I need to be in control of their behavior at every moment? Am I allowed to ignore any bad behavior, or do I need to be super-training-discipline mom 24/7? Obviously, I need to be able to take my children to the store and have them listen to my voice and obey my words. There have been so many times that I've felt defeated as a mom. I start to sense my disillusionment that some other mom seems to have figured out how to train all the "naughtiness" out of her children. When I come to the Lord, I'm reminded that He's given me everything I need for life and godliness; His strength is made perfect in my weakness (lots of opportunities for that!); and that there is no temptation such that is common to man that He has not provided a way out (including my struggles with impatience, selfishness, and dare I say, anger?). Oh - and that His mercies are new every morning - great is His faithfulness!
But I can still count the minutes until two little munchkins will be sleeping peacefully in their beds and I will be able to catch my breath. Oh - and I ate a Twix bar on my way home from the grocery store! :)
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