Monday, October 24, 2011

Finding my voice

It's been over two years since my first diagnosis with nodules on my vocal chords. Gotta tell ya, it's been an incredibly disappointing thing to struggle with. Everybody's got their issues. This is mine. I love to sing. I love to talk. I'm raising two very verbal and expressive girls and I can't for the life of me figure out how I would raise them without my voice.

My life has always centered around my voice. My singing has always defined my identity. I can't remember being asked what I like to do or what I'm good at without answering "singing!" right off the bat. The last couple of years has eliminated that for me. No more choir. No more solos. I participated in our church's Easter choir and it just about killed my voice. I had nothing coming out.

I know God has allowed this for me. He has greatly humbled me. But I'm glad to know I have a very full life, despite losing my ability to sing for now.

I remember being pregnant and watching women move in ways my body couldn't do, thinking, "will I ever be able to touch my toes again?" Lately I feel that way when I hear people sing! It feels like I can't even remember being able to sing all of those soprano lines that I sang so effortlessly all my life.

Well, enough whining. I saw the ENT again today. A camera tube was shoved up my nose and down my throat and he said, "yep. You have nodules." If he took them off through surgery, I would risk permanently altering or damaging my voice. No thank you.

My personality is energetic and expressive. My voice reflects that. I will be trying to put into practice all I know about singing correctly and applying it to my speaking voice. If you happen to be around me and I'm talking loudly, maybe tug on your ear and get my attention. Please don't tell me I'm talking too loud. It will just upset, embarrass, and possibly anger me. Tug on your ear and hopefully I'll take it gracefully and quiet down my voice. I so badly want my voice back!!!!!!!


  1. I'm praying for you my friend! I want to hear that beautiful song in your heart reflected in your voice once again! Love you!

  2. I haven't been around in person too much the past two years--but I definitely know that your beautiful voice is something I always think of as a part of you, and I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to have to give that up. You sound like you're handling it with a wonderful attitude.