I have several reasons why today was kind of a bad day. None of them really matter, though. My husband, in a gentle, but sarcastic way, always seems to bring me back to reality. Nothing that I face in my every day life is really that terrible. I fed my family well (not that they ate it willingly), my children were healthy enough to fight with each other vigorously, my husband was a little late coming home from a good job, and I happened to feel a bit under-the-weather, which is quite rare. But, for whatever reason, today got me down. Finally taking a shower at 3 in the afternoon helped tremendously. Praying in the shower helped even more. I told the Lord that I needed to remember that I can only control how I respond - both to Him and to others around me. I can't make my children quit being selfish and I can't stop the words and actions that come from them. I can't even control my own passions on my own. All I can do is submit to His Spirit and let Him work on my heart.
I'm working on a study on God's sanctifying work in our lives. He truly desires me to be holy, as He is holy. Do I desire that? Do I really think that possible? Am I willing to let Him work on my kids in His timing? I have to, or I'm going to go crazy! I don't know how many calm "talks" I had with the kids today, trying to gently explain how awful they were being to one another. I'm not sure why today happened, actually, since they have really seemed to move into a good phase of being very good friends. But these days happen. But my words were just floating out in the air, not even going into their heads, much less their hearts.
Then I sit down to do my study and read Philippians 2:13 "for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure." And once again I'm reminded that He is the one who does the sanctifying work in my children, not me. And I so badly need Him to be working that out in my own life, if I ever hope to be the example I want to be to my daughters.