Sunday, December 20, 2009


It's Sunday, five days before Christmas. I just took a really awesome nap. Somehow, my house is still quiet and, even though there's a ton to do around here, it's not as blaring as it's been over the past month, so I'm going to blog. It's been almost a month and, although I've had many thoughts about fun things to write about, I haven't had even a second to try to begin. I began this school year with much prayer about which ministries in church to be a part of, in order that I not over-commit myself. Rich and I thought I had done a pretty good job. I don't believe it's the church ministry commitment that has me pulling my hair out, though. It's my helpful nature, seemingly boundless energy (which I will get to in a minute), and the adjustment to life as a mom with a kid in school every day.

Let's see, I'm on the women's retreat planning team that only takes one evening meeting a month and a bit more leading up to retreat in March; Tuesday night Club Rock Salt for the kids in which I lead a small group of kinder-second grade girls and teach the large group of kids once a month (that's quite a lot of work at a time of day when I'm struggling for energy - 7-8:30pm); I lead singing every other month (for the whole month) for the Sunday morning "children's church" called Rock Salt; and I assistant-teach a group of women one morning a week for a discipleship class. I guess that's a lot. I said "no" to a bunch of other requests and dropped out of my "fun" ministry - choir (more on that...)! It's good for me to write these things down. The problem is that I like to be kinda busy and I have so many interests. hhmmm....

My health: I'm b12 deficient. I'm not exactly sure what all that means, but I know it causes a lot of fatigue and my new doctor (YAY for JAY!) was the genius that decided to test for it. Never mind that I did two sleep studies, saw a neurologist specializing in sleep disorders several times, and had my blood tested by my old doctor, but my B12 wasn't tested. Evidently, I'm really, really low. It turns out that my body may have a certain antibody that is eating up my B12, since I get plenty of B12 in my diet. I will be tested for that next month. In the meantime, I'm getting monthly injections of B12 and was told that it should improve my energy level, but have not experience that yet. My low B12 level raised a question of my narcolepsy, in my mind. However, I am still extremely sleepy and can hardly stay awake at times, so I'm still looking to change medications to something more effective. On top of all that, I've developed nodules on my vocal cords that makes my voice scratchy and, sometimes only a whisper. I have to see a speech therapist once a week for a month or two and try to train myself to be easier on my speaking voice. I did not develop these through singing - I already said I haven't been performing for quite a while. My bad habit of never drinking water and only drinking coffee and diet coke (not in excess, just nothing else) has evidently highly contributed to the nodules, along with just plain over-using my voice through excited talking, loud talking, and yes, yelling sometimes! Anyway, I'm really hoping they go away soon, but am a bit discouraged at the thought of having to do this through changing something that is so closely linked to my personality. And the whole caffinated beverage dilema, since I kinda need it due to my fatigue. So, this all means doctors' appointments, and you stay-at-home moms all know how hard it is to get to the doctor with kids who have to be watched by someone. I can't just go to the doctor whenever I want and the receptionist frequently doesn't understand this when she has to give me 5 different options until there's one that will work. Example: I will be going to the speech therapist on Christmas Eve morning at 8 since Rich will be home and I don't have to ask another friend to watch my kids!

Ok, this is way too long. You have my permission to bail out on me. I'm not done yet, though. This is quite theraputic. Now I move on to my charm-making. It's fun. It makes a little money. It's a bit stressful. I did two shows that were pretty much a bust - not because of the charms, but because there were almost no attendees. I've had quite a few orders by work of mouth, though, and have found myself busy with those when my house is screaming for attention. Christmas presents had to be made for people, though! I had a ball giving the girls' teachers charm jewelry for Christmas. They all loved them and the two assistants cried! Avery's teacher assistant is expecting her first grandchild and had tears streaming down her face when I gave her a necklace with her first granddaughter's initial on it. Yay for me! :)

Next, I move on to the change of life that has come with two kids in school and one being there every day. Plus, kindergarten seems even harder because I have to be back to get her 2 1/2 hours after I drop her - not much time to get much done! They both have the same exact hours, so on Tuesday and Thursday I am scrambling to get them there on time.

Add on to that wanting to have a moment to myself, and needing to be available to hear Rich talk about his work struggles and bring him his lunch when he forgets it, and you have a very hectic life. I am so used to overcompensating for my fatigue, that I think that I should just keep going. I have a hard time letting myself sit down. The life of a stay-at-home mom is so hard - I'm in my house a lot and there is always housework to be done or children to be looked after. I never clock off. I don't get "weekends". I don't get to take a vacation unless I ask someone else to "do my work" and watch my kids. I don't mean to gripe. I love being a mom and am going to finish this race strong and with joy. My recent activity level has brought me to a point of "mommy burnout", though, and a cruise with 7 girlfriends has never sounded so good. Oh yeah, I'm going in February!!!!! I'm only a little over a month away from it!!!!!!!!! Anyway, I think I've fully explained the reason I haven't blogged for almost a month - I DON'T HAVE TIME.

I'm hoping to be a bit more frequent in my blogging now. Life has finally slowed down for a bit and I'm hoping it doesn't pick up to it's recent crazy level when the new year comes.

I know no one is reading at this point, but I will share a verse I came across recently. 2 Corinthians 3:5 "Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God." I find comfort in the fact that I am not competent to mother my children in a godly manner without His strength. I've been quite weak lately and am a living example of His strength being made perfect in my weakness. Lord, work through me, use me, and slow me down!!!


  1. Amen sister! You know I can completely relate. Only not with the voice and sleep issues, other ones unique to me though right?!I am so looking forward to just enjoying my children and trying to catch up a bit this Christmas vacation and that verse so speaks to my heart. God is capable of making our lives what he desires them to be! Praise Him!

  2. Silly girl. I read the whole thing!!

    I hear ya on the blog thing. Some days I want to blog and I don't have time. Some days I have time to blog but don't want to....maybe it's because I'm so tired from the craziness.:)

    And a cruise?! What a fun getaway to look forward to! Yay you!

    Hopefully this week brings a somewhat slower schedule and rest.

  3. Hey, I read the whole thing too! We can all relate. The life of a stay at home mom is such a funny thing.

    Sometimes I feel actually guilty over how good I have it (I get to set my own hours, decide my own activities, my life is not ruled by an office or a boss, and if I decide a trip to the library or a friend's house is part of what my kids "need" for the day, then that's what we do!)

    And then I swing over to frustration and resentment that I never get a day off, I clean and cook and do laundry constantly and yet there's always more to do, and of course I get no money and little positive feedback for all the work and hours I do put in to managing our household.

    But I love being a mom too, and it's always good to hear honest thoughts from another mom who is going through the same things.